The Best American Short Plays 2010-2011 Page 9

  TRICIA Great. Clearly you were a better daughter to her than me. Look, I’m sorry you’re so disappointed in my behavior, but... get in line. Believe me, no one is more disappointed in me than me. Not even my mother.

  FITZ She wasn’t disappointed in you.

  TRICIA Please. I was never interested in music, preferred politics, I never dated any guy for more than five or six months, I kept up a relationship with my dad....The list goes on.

  FITZ Everyone’s got that list. She told me she was proud of you.

  TRICIA Yeah, I don’t believe you.

  FITZ It’s true.

  TRICIA You lied to my mother. Why not lie to me? And even if she did say something like that...who’s to know if she really thought it, or meant it, or felt it?

  [Slight pause.]

  Thank you for visiting my mother and being so kind to her. I wish I could’ve done it, but there was very little harmony in our relationship. Forgive the musical allusion.

  FITZ People misuse the word harmony. They say it when they mean consonance, where all the notes complement each other and blend together smoothly. And consonance sounds great. But after a while, it’s really boring. There’s no tension in music like that. Nothing to be resolved. Dissonance may not sound pretty, but it’s alive. I always like playing music that moves back and forth between consonance and dissonance. It means something’s happening. That life is struggling to go on, to lift itself up.

  [Slight pause.]

  Harmony isn’t angelic choirs or perfection. Some of the best harmony has an element of dissonance. It’s there, lurking behind the other notes, grounding the piece in reality. I think that’s why we like it. It’s beautiful, but a little ragged too.

  [Slight pause.]

  Not everything goes. There were days she could still play the piano. And days she said she loved you.

  [There is a silence as TRICIA takes this in.]

  TRICIA Would you like her piano?

  FITZ What?

  TRICIA I think you should have it.

  FITZ Why? No, I don’t want it.

  TRICIA I think you do.

  FITZ I can’t play it. Why would I take it?

  TRICIA You can play.

  FITZ No, I can’t.

  TRICIA You played “Chop Sticks.”

  [Off his glare.]

  Okay, you can’t play as well as you used to. Or as you’d like to. But you can still play.

  FITZ What would be the point?

  TRICIA Just to be able to when you’re having a good day. Just to be able to have that. Why did you ever play?

  FITZ I know what you want me to say. You want me to say I played the piano because I loved it and I loved music, and then you can say, “That’s all you need, isn’t it?” Well, no, it isn’t. I need more. I need to be seen. I need to be recognized. I want my hands back. I want my nerves, my life. I don’t want to be working in a fucking funeral home. But this is my life now, so why would I want a goddamn piano?! Like I need another reminder of what a failure I am? What possible use would I have for it?

  TRICIA You could teach.

  FITZ No, thanks.

  TRICIA It was good enough for my mother. She didn’t grow up wanting to teach piano to little snots in Pittsfield. She was ready to play concerts and tour. Until she had me.

  [FITZ is silent. TRICIA checks her watch.]

  Could you check and see if anyone else has arrived yet?

  FITZ [Slight pause.] Sure.

  [FITZ exits. TRICIA crosses to her mother’s urn. She kisses the tips of her fingers on one hand and then touches them to the top of the urn. FITZ returns a moment later.]

  Your aunts are in reception with Mr. McKenzie. But I’ll show you out the back so you don’t have to see them.

  TRICIA No. I think it’s time I said hello.

  [Slight pause.]

  That music you had playing when I came in...that was you, wasn’t it?

  FITZ I was just using it to check the volume.

  TRICIA It’s lovely. Would you play that for the service?

  FITZ It’s not what’s listed in the program.

  TRICIA My aunts won’t have a clue.

  FITZ [Pause.] Can I walk you over?

  TRICIA Yes. Thank you, Fitzhugh.

  [They exit.]

  • • •

  Creatures

  a ten-minute play

  Janet Allard

  Creatures by Janet Allard. Copyright © 2012 by Janet Allard. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  CAUTION/ADVICE: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that performance of Creatures is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional and amateur stage performing rights, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, DVD-ROM, information storage and retrieval systems, and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is placed upon the matter of readings, permission for which must be secured from the author’s agent in writing.

  Inquiries concerning rights should be addressed to Mark Orsini at Bret Adams, LTD., 448 W 44th St., New York, NY 10036, 212-765-5630.

  Janet Allard

  Janet Allard is a playwright and book writer/lyricist. Her plays are published by Samuel French and Playscripts, Inc. Allard is the recipient of two Jerome fellowships at the Playwrights’ Center. Her work has been seen at the Guthrie Lab, the Kennedy Center, Mixed Blood, Playwrights Horizons, Yale Rep, the Yale Cabaret, Barrington Stage, the Women’s Project, Perseverance Theatre, Joe’s Pub, with P73 Productions, NYMF, SPF, and internationally in Ireland, England, Greece, Australia, and New Zealand. She is a Fulbright fellow, a MacDowell Colony fellow, has an MFA in playwriting from the Yale School of Drama, and has studied at the NYU Graduate Musical Theatre Writing program. She currently teaches playwriting at UNCG in North Carolina.

  • • • Production History • • •

  Creatures was produced by the Truffle Theatre Company in its 2011 Piglet Slaughterhouse Festival. In addition, it was selected as a finalist for the Actor’s Theater of Louisville National 10-Minute Play Contest and published in Teaching Theatre, Summer 2010, vol. 21, in an article by Bruce Miller.

  Characters

  WOMAN

  WEREWOLF

  Setting

  In the woods. At a drive-in movie. A full moon.

  • • •

  [A WOMAN and a WEREWOLF in a car at a drive-in movie. There is a full moon behind them. The WOMAN stares at the WEREWOLF in disbelief.]

  WOMAN So...anything else you’d like to tell me?

  [Pause. The WEREWOLF says nothing. He offers WOMAN popcorn.]

  No. You can’t pretend this is normal, Tom. This is not a normal night at the drive-in anymore.

  [Screams come from the drive-in speakers. A horror film—a B movie.]

  So the monthly business trips to Vegas?

  [The WEREWOLF shakes his head.]

  Why didn’t you tell me sooner?

  [The WEREWOLF is quiet.]

  Did you think I wouldn’t find out?

  [Quiet. From the movie speakers: “Run! Run for your lives! It’s the creature!” More screams.]

  When were you planning on telling me? At the altar?

  [Quiet. The WEREWOLF eats popcorn.]

  I already knew.

  [The WEREWOLF looks at her. Really?]

  I found a strange hair in the bathroom.

  [The WEREWOLF goes back to eating popcorn.]

  You are someth
ing else, you know that? I knew it. Somewhere in my heart I knew this was too good to be true. So...what now? What does this mean for us, Tom?

  [The WEREWOLF shrugs.]

  YOU DON’T KNOW?! How can you be so nonchalant? It’s not like this is going to blow over. Here’s your ring. Here’s your goddamn ring back!

  [The WEREWOLF stares at her. He offers her popcorn.]

  I don’t want popcorn!

  [The WEREWOLF howls.]

  You don’t scare me.

  [The WEREWOLF howls, the WOMAN howls. He grabs her. Movie: romantic music...maybe a woman’s voice—“I’m not afraid of you . . . creature!”]

  No! I can’t trust you, Tom! I mean...so what else? What next? Any other surprises you’d like to spring on me?

  [The WEREWOLF lights a cigarette.]

  You smoke?

  [The WEREWOLF puts out the cigarette.]

  What else? Bring it on.

  [The WEREWOLF shakes his head. This is everything.]

  How am I supposed to believe that? You hide things—everything—the hair and the teeth...and I never would have known except then the moon—and then you just eat popcorn and—how can I trust you? It’s BULLSHIT, Tom! I don’t keep things from you! I don’t have any secrets!

  [The WEREWOLF stares at her.]

  What? I don’t.

  [The WEREWOLF looks at her.]

  Not like yours.

  [The WEREWOLF looks at her.]

  What?

  [WOMAN eats popcorn.]

  You know everything about me there is to know. I’m clear. Transparent.

  [The WEREWOLF stares at her.]

  What? What, what, what? What? Why are you looking at me like that? I’m not keeping anything from you.

  [The WEREWOLF sniffs her.]

  I am not hiding—

  [The WEREWOLF sniffs harder.]

  I am not hiding any—stop sniffing me!

  [The WEREWOLF sniffs her like crazy.]

  What are you?!—No!

  [The WEREWOLF pulls a chocolate bar out of her coat. Triumphant.]

  Chocolate! So what? I was going to share it with you.

  [The WEREWOLF goes to take a bite. WOMAN grabs it away.]

  Okay! I was hiding it. Hoarding it. I didn’t say I was giving up chocolate forever, just for Lent. So what? I don’t have to share!

  [WOMAN devours the entire chocolate bar. The WEREWOLF watches. Some sort of melodramatic music plays through the movie speakers.]

  It’s not like I’m keeping something huge hidden—like the fact that I’m a werewolf. I am happy to eat chocolate out in the open! I love it! I don’t care who knows it. And I will not share! And by the way, while we are coming clean—since this is “tell all night”!

  [WOMAN pulls a cigarette out of her purse and lights it.]

  I smoke too! I never quit. There. Those are my “shocking secrets.” That’s all I have to hide.

  [The WEREWOLF grabs WOMAN’s hair. It comes off.]

  All right. It’s a wig. So what? I like how it looks.

  [The WEREWOLF tries to grab WOMAN’s purse.]

  Stay outta my purse!

  [The WEREWOLF gets a text message. They both freeze.]

  Is someone texting you?

  [The WEREWOLF shrugs.]

  Aren’t you going to look?

  [The WEREWOLF shrugs.]

  You know, Tom, I think it’s good that you revealed this werewolf business tonight. I think it’s made us closer. With the nuptials fast approaching, we really need to be transparent, get it all out on the table now so it doesn’t bite us in the ass, know what I mean? You’re a werewolf, I hoard chocolate, we both still smoke. That’s it. Is everything on the table now?

  [The WEREWOLF nods.]

  That’s everything?

  [The WEREWOLF nods.]

  Good.

  [The WEREWOLF grabs WOMAN’s purse.]

  Give me back my purse!

  [The WEREWOLF holds the purse.]

  Go ahead. Go through it. I don’t care.

  [The WEREWOLF starts to open the purse—gauging her reaction.]

  You know, Tom, I think trust is a choice. Maybe there are some little things we don’t know about each other. We change. We choose. Every day. We choose to trust. I’m going to choose to trust you. I trust you. I love you.

  [The WEREWOLF smiles.]

  We’re missing the movie. Put that down and we can cuddle.

  [WOMAN smiles.]

  Do you want more popcorn? I’m dying for some butter on this. Why don’t you just run and—

  [The WEREWOLF opens the purse. Looks at WOMAN to see her reaction. WOMAN laughs.]

  Oh, Tom, you’re so funny I told you I have nothing to—

  [The WEREWOLF sticks his paw into the purse.]

  NO!

  [The WEREWOLF rifles through the purse.]

  Hey, asshole—that’s my passport! You have no right to look at my passport! Yes, I wear bright red lipstick sometimes. So? I have nothing to—yeah, a letter. So what. Go ahead. Open it. Yeah, pills. I had a—prescription—they’re painkillers for my—give me my—

  [The WEREWOLF pulls out the ornate box. Stares at it.]

  Put that back—put that—

  [The WEREWOLF sniffs it.]

  Nothing’s in that box. It’s just an empty—you can open it—don’t—

  [The WEREWOLF opens it. Screams from movie. Something in the box glows green. The WEREWOLF looks at WOMAN in disbelief. She sips her Diet Coke. She takes the box and puts it back in the purse. She takes the purse. Closes it. Puts it next to her. He looks at her. She takes off her wig.]

  Okay. There are some things you need to know about me. I—

  [The WEREWOLF shakes his head.]

  It’s just that I—

  [The WEREWOLF puts his finger to WOMAN’s lips.]

  No, I do need to tell you. I—

  [The WEREWOLF puts his finger to WOMAN’s lips. He offers her popcorn. She eats popcorn. She starts to cry. He puts his paw on her leg. Romantic music plays. Maybe we hear something from the movie like: “I don’t care to return to that world, creature. I’ll live where you live. In outer space or at the bottom of the lake. As long as I’m with you.” Passionate kissing on the movie screen. Love music. They watch.]

  I’m sorry, I just need to tell you I—

  [WOMAN leans over and whispers in the WEREWOLF’s ear. He looks at her.]

  And another thing...

  [WOMAN whispers in the WEREWOLF’s ear. He laughs. He whispers in her ear. Screams on the screen. He puts his arm around her. She puts her head on his chest. The sound of the movie overtakes them.]

  • • •

  The Coyote Stratagem

  a ten-minute play

  G. Flores

  The Coyote Stratagem by G. Flores. Copyright © 2012 by G. Flores. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  CAUTION/ADVICE: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that performance of The Coyote Stratagem is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional and amateur stage performing rights, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, DVD-ROM, information storage and retrieval systems, and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is placed upon the matter of readings, permission for which must be secured from the author’s agent in writing.

  Inquiries concerning rights should be addressed to Guadalupe Flores at lflores@theliterate geek.com.

  Gu
adalupe Flores

  Guadalupe Flores is the son of a career military man, and is a veteran himself, so he has called many places home, but uses Texas to store all of his stuff. He has worked in journalism and public relations, as well as a slew of other unremarkable jobs. He earned a bachelor’s degree at the University of the Incarnate Word in English and theater arts, and is working on a master’s in playwriting at Texas State University in San Marcos, where his full-length play, Hurricane Season, was produced in 2011. The Coyote Stratagem was written in his first semester at Texas State, and was a finalist in the Ten Minute Play category for the Kennedy Center American College Theatre Festival. It has since had productions at the Red Barn Theatre in Key West, Florida, and the ArtsCenter’s 10 by 10 in the Triangle Ten Minute Festival in Carrboro, North Carolina, and will be part of the Northern Michigan New Works Festival in 2012. He was a recent participant in the prestigious playwriting intensive at the Kennedy Center, and his paper “Poetic Association: Shakespeare’s Use of the Prologue in Henry V to Enhance Social Status” was presented at the Second Annual International Research Conference for Graduate Students at Texas State University. Flores has a sixteen-year-old son who is, fortunately, smarter and better-looking than he was at that age.

  • • • Production History • • •

  Productions: The 2011 The Region 6 Kennedy Center American College Theatre Festival as a ten-minute play regional finalist, staged reading; the 2011 The Kennedy Center American College Theatre Festival as a ten-minute play national finalist, staged reading; World premiere production (2011) at the Red Barn Theatre in Key West, Florida. Second production (2011), Tenth Annual 10 by 10 Festival in the Triangle, ArtsCenter Stage, Carrboro, North Carolina. Northern Michigan University’s Ten Minute Play Festival, Marquette, Michigan.

  Characters

  AARON , a man in his late 30s, and very recent ex-boyfriend of Vicki

  VICKI , a woman in her early 30s, and very recent ex-girlfriend of Aaron

  Time

  Present, early morning.

  Setting