The Best American Short Plays 2010-2011 Read online

  MOE Any store in America.

  GUS That’s right. Any store in America.

  [Beat.]

  I’m going to miss Eleanor, Moe.

  [Pause.]

  MOE She didn’t look that old. You know? I look like hell. She still skipped. She had an actual skip in her step. Her cheeks were like...big plums, you know? Just ripe. And that smile. Lord...that smile.

  GUS Yessir. She really looked good. Kept the house looking good too. And that garden. Gorgeous.

  [Pause.]

  The thing is, I...well, what I mean is...what are you going to do with the house?

  MOE What do you mean?

  GUS The house, Moe. What are you going to do with it?

  MOE I don’t know. Nothing, I suppose.

  GUS Nothing?

  MOE Why? What you want me to do with it?

  GUS I was just thinking. With the two rooms upstairs. The divide between the kitchen and the backroom. You could really fix it up.

  MOE And what? Sell it?

  GUS Sell it? What you want to sell it for?

  MOE Well, you’re getting all these ideas about my house.

  GUS It’s a beautiful house!

  [Beat.]

  Moe, you’re broke.

  [MOE turns away.]

  Been broke for years. Me and Tall Glass. Well, we’ve been thinking.

  MOE That’d be a first for you two.

  GUS Hell, he’s better at saying it than me anyway.

  [TALL GLASS enters.]

  TALL GLASS Hey, young-timers.

  [TALL GLASS sits in the other rocking chair without a thought. MOE and GUS look at him.]

  GUS That’s my chair.

  TALL GLASS I didn’t see the brass plaque.

  GUS That’s my chair!

  TALL GLASS Were you sitting in it?

  GUS I was fixin’ to!

  TALL GLASS You shouldn’t take so much time fixin’ to.

  GUS It’s still my chair.

  TALL GLASS Moe, what does he mean this is his chair?

  MOE Last time I checked it was my chair. I’m sitting in Eleanor’s.

  GUS You’re sitting in Eleanor’s?

  MOE Yes, sir.

  GUS And you let me just stand here!

  MOE You were having some kind of crisis. I figured I should just leave you alone.

  GUS [To MOE.] Look here, I’m his best friend. Best friends sit together!

  [TALL GLASS reaches over and puts his hand on MOE’s. GUS looks annoyed.]

  MOE [Wryly.] Thanks for coming over and making me feel better, boys.

  GUS Oh, wait—

  TALL GLASS We shouldn’t be behaving this way, it’s just...

  MOE It’s just what?

  TALL GLASS Well, we’ve both been eyeing this spot.

  MOE Eyeing this spot?

  [The moment is tense.]

  TALL GLASS Sure. For the, for the plan. When we all move in with you.

  MOE Who all is moving where?

  TALL GLASS We all is...moving...that is, we are...us. That’s why...

  [To GUS.]

  ...you never got around to talking to him about it?

  GUS I was fixin’ to.

  TALL GLASS That’s you, Gus. Always fixin’ to, never doing. A true Texan.

  GUS Now, you take it easy on that Texas stuff! You might have the Tigers, but we have the Longhorns, you hear? Let your Tigers go pro and see what happens!

  MOE You want to move in? With me?

  TALL GLASS No, no.

  GUS [Beat.] Yes.

  MOE Why?

  GUS It’s just that...well...

  TALL GLASS We ain’t getting any younger.

  GUS That’s the truth.

  TALL GLASS And between your gout and my back pain, and Gus’s chronic “fixin’ to” condition...

  GUS We thought that three heads would be better than one.

  MOE Three heads?

  TALL GLASS That is, we all need a little looking after.

  [Beat.]

  When’s the last time the kids come down?

  MOE They’re here enough. Too much.

  TALL GLASS Christmas.

  MOE Yeah. Christmas.

  TALL GLASS And they’ll be here again?

  MOE They were just here.

  GUS And they’ll be here again when?

  [Beat.]

  They’re like what we call the C and E’s over at the church. The Christmas and Easter Christians. Show up on the two big holidays, and forget about the big guy the rest of the year.

  [Pause.]

  TALL GLASS I could take the upstairs guest room.

  MOE That’s Millie’s room.

  TALL GLASS On Christmas, I can duck out.

  MOE What’s wrong with your place?

  TALL GLASS Not sure how much longer I’m going to keep it. The pawn shop is doing terrible. And all those stairs.

  MOE How are my stairs different?

  GUS When he hollers, he’ll have a couple of fools to laugh at him.

  TALL GLASS It’s true. The sound of hollering to yourself. It’s not the way I want to go.

  GUS Me neither.

  [Pause.]

  Eleanor wouldn’t want you to be alone either, Moe.

  [Pause. MOE stands up and exits.]

  TALL GLASS [To GUS.] You were supposed to talk to him!

  GUS I was—

  TALL GLASS Fixin’ to, fixin’ to. We sound like damn fools!

  GUS Maybe I should tell him.

  TALL GLASS Tell him what?

  GUS I’m losing my house. The kids want to ship me off in an old folk’s home.

  TALL GLASS How’d you find out?

  GUS Just speculating.

  [Beat.]

  It’s what I wanted to do with my folks!

  [MOE enters. He is holding a third rocking chair with a small cooler on it. He sets it down, opens the cooler, revealing more Bud Light.]

  MOE Just one rule. I want three years of peace.

  TALL GLASS [Beat.] Where you plan on going in three years?

  MOE Nowhere. Three years of peace just sound nice, doesn’t it?

  [The men chuckle. MOE takes a Bud Light; hands a fresh one to GUS and one to TALL GLASS. They pop them open.]

  TALL GLASS Eleanor started a garden.

  MOE She did.

  GUS You know, I’m good with my hands. I’m fixin’ to...

  [Beat. The men look at him.]

  Drink my beer.

  [They all sit on their chairs. It gets later. Stage goes dark.]

  • • •

  A Marriage Proposal

  Kimberly La Force

  A Marriage Proposal by Kimberly La Force. Copyright © 2012 by Kimberly La Force. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  CAUTION/ADVICE: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that performance of A Marriage Proposal is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional and amateur stage performing rights, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, DVD-ROM, information storage and retrieval systems, and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is placed upon the matter of readings, permission for which must be secured from the author’s agent in writing.

  Inquiries concerning rights should be addressed to Kimberly La Force at [email protected].

  Kimberly La Force

  Kimberly La Force was born on the island of St. Lucia and moved to New York in her early twenties. She has wri
tten several poems, plays, and fiction pieces and has been published by the New Tech Times, City Tech Writer, and Pulse. Her feature screenplay, A Marriage Proposal, was a finalist for the Lou Rivers Drama Writing Award and was performed at the Literary Arts Festival. She lives and works in Brooklyn.

  • • • Production History • • •

  Venue: Klitgord Auditorium, 285 Jay Street, Brooklyn, April 12, 2011

  Characters

  MONA, a thirty-six-year-old mother of two

  MATT

  NARRATOR

  TYLER

  • • •

  • • • Scene One • • •

  [The auditorium goes dark. MONA has just put her sons in bed for the night and sits in her cramped bedroom deep in thought. On the mike from one of the aisles of the auditorium MONA’s phone rings. She picks up.]

  MONA Hello.

  MATT Hello, Mona, I want you to be my wife.

  MONA Excuse me? You must have the wrong number!

  MATT No, I am sure I have the right person. You are Mona James, recently unemployed secretary from Lewis and Lewis Chambers, mother of two boys named Tyler and Perry, ages three and seven. You experienced a bitter divorce two years ago, where all you received from the settlement were monthly child support payments for your boys. Your house is in foreclosure, and you found yourself in mounds of debt and recently started attending the First Baptist Church on the corner of Seventh avenue. You...

  MONA Who...are...you, and how dare you talk about my life in that manner! Tell me, were you hired by my ex-husband to interrogate me? Now listen, I don’t know how you found out this information, but don’t you ever call me again.

  MATT Wait, wait, Mona, please do not hang up. I heard your story from your testimony in church last Sunday. My intention was not to scare you. I am here to make you an offer. Please, will you listen?

  MONA Is that how you propose an offer? By introducing yourself, a total stranger to me, with the question of marriage?

  MATT I assure you, Mona, that I mean nothing bad, just give me a chance to clearly explain myself from the very beginning. Let me start by telling you that my name is Mathew Joseph, but everyone calls me Matt. I also attend the First Baptist Church service.

  MONA [Sighs.] Ohhh, so you got to know me from my testimony. You know something, I did not even know that I said so much about myself during that testimony, but tell me, how did you get my number?

  MATT That is the beauty of Google, it gives you everything.

  MONA I guess I can praise God for technology then.

  MATT Trust me, Mona, I have a story to tell and it ties in to why I am calling you. Just give me your attention for a while.

  MONA I’m listening, go on.

  MATT Well, let me start from the beginning. I have been a farmer for years; never too smart but always good with my hands. At first I was a banana farmer in St. Lucia. I had a wife and two young boys and we made good money back then, but the banana industry collapsed when free trade was introduced.

  MONA [Sarcastically.] Awww, Matt, that sounds like a wonderful story, but you are wasting my time here.

  MATT Imagine if someone had said that during your testimony, imagine how you would feel. It’s okay to listen in church, but then the message goes right out when you leave the church doors. Please, Mona, I am simply asking that you listen.

  MONA [Hesitantly.] I...I apologize, I’m listening.

  MATT So the demand for our bananas dropped and we were put out of business. Funny thing is that when my money was gone, so was my wife, and I was left with nothing but a field of weeds. I traveled to Texas in 2000 and got small jobs farming there. It was very peaceful, and I harvested for a small canola seed farmer. One day a major company threatened to tell the authorities that my boss was housing illegal immigrants. I was fired and hitchhiked all the way to Florida.

  MONA Wow...life just has a way of changing on you and challenging you to catch up.

  MATT Yes, that’s definitely true. So I became invisible, always looking over my shoulder and avoiding the law. I no longer wanted to live life in that way, constantly suspicious of others and always on the move, so I started exploring options. I looked for any loopholes in the law.

  MONA I had a friend who went through the same thing. So I know how difficult it must be for you. Ever tried the visa lottery program?

  MATT Every year for the last ten years. I tried it all, the temporary visa program, community colleges, lawyers, army recruitments, and churches. They all told me they could help and took my money, but gave no results. I even went under an assumed name, and worked under the Social Security number of a dead man. For three years I was known as Michael Jones, until I was suspected by authorities. I did so much but to no avail, and now I see that the only option for me is to find a wife, and her only qualification is that she is a U.S. citizen.

  MONA Hold on a second—what makes you think that I would marry a man that I do not know, much less love? Do you think that because you heard my story, you could pick some vulnerable woman to marry you?

  MATT I did not think so at all. I came to you only because after hearing your story, I sensed that you had the maturity to see that marriage is an economic arrangement, not an emotional one. I don’t need love from you and I did not come empty-handed. In Texas, the asking price for marriage is about $15,000. I came to you because your problem is financial, and mine is legal. Together we can help each other.

  MONA Well, Mathew, sorry to disappoint you, but I believe in love, and I believe that the bond created through love is extraordinary. This love you are trying to deny is the basis of my belief in marriage. What good would it do for me to compromise my beliefs? My philosophy is to never doubt the verdict of my mind. Do you know why people go crazy in this country? It’s because they contradict their beliefs. I may be poor, but at least I’m sane.

  MATT [Chuckles.] You had that love, Mona, and it ended in abuse and heartache. Yes, you believe in love, but at the cost of what? You are not compromising your morals in any way, just altering them. You will only go insane if you cannot justify your actions to yourself. People go insane for many reasons, but mainly because they act irrationally and cannot justify their actions. Why don’t you try a practical approach for once? And what about survival? There is no right or wrong in the eyes of survival. Do you believe in the survival of your next generation? You can barely afford to feed your kids. Please tell me how love would help you do that.

  MONA I have never been worried about money. And worse yet, to accept money and enter into a fraudulent marriage. The money will only last for a few months, maybe a year. Then what? I would be legally stuck to a stranger. Who knows, you could have a criminal record and my sons could be targeted because you may be involved in drugs and bring nothing but horror to my family.

  MATT True, but I may also be a hardworking man who can be an added support for you. Marriage is always a chance. I can tell that your moral judgment must have foreseen your divorce.

  [Pause.]

  Look, Mona, you tried the love route and it did not work. Why not try a different approach?

  [Pause.]

  And to think that your sons will be targeted because of me—no, think again, prisons are full of young men who failed the fifth grade reading test in school and then kept going down, down, down from there. So with you not working and your kids barely surviving, you are already preparing them for a targeted life. If you are so concerned about your sanity, I have a suggestion: think of the money as...

  [Pause.]

  ...a dowry and our marriage as arranged.

  MONA I don’t believe in arranged marriages. And what would I say to my family and my friends?

  MATT We will think of something, but how many of them have offered to help you through this ordeal? At church you said that the people who you expected to be your support were never around when it mattered. What difference is it what they think? I may not be smart, but I know that people tend to look out for their own benefit. We never suspected
that free trade meant us losing one of our sustainable industries. I am coming to you with a direct offer. My interests are exposed to you. You may gain or lose, as with any option.

  MONA You said that you considered all your options, but why be invisible here? Why not just go back home?

  MATT Going back is never an option for me. It’s like saying that I sacrificed ten years of my life for no reason. My only option is to get married. I have offered you my entire savings—$15,000 cash.

  MONA How would you know what the cost of marriage is anyway?

  MATT Craigslist.

  MONA [Smile.] I see that you spend a lot of time on the computer.

  MATT Just enough to get around.

  MONA Listen, Matt, this is all so sudden. I do need the money, but I also believe in love. This is not the way to marry, and I refuse to waste any more time on this argument.

  MATT Well, just give it some thought. My offer still stands.

  [Pause.]

  I guess I will see you at church on Sunday.

  MONA Yeah, sure. Good night.

  MATT Good night.

  [MONA hangs up the phone.]

  MONA Marriage, an economic arrangement. That guy had some nerve!

  NARRATOR Mona’s son Tyler rushes into the room.

  TYLER Mom, it’s Perry, come quick.

  NARRATOR Mona rushes out the room.

  • • • Scene Two • • •

  NARRATOR Mona stands greeting some people after church service on Sunday. She is about to leave when a man walks up to her.

  MATT Hey, Mona, good morning. I’m Mathew Joseph. We spoke a couple nights ago.

  MONA [Shaking hands.] Oh, right. Hi, nice to meet you. I remember you. You take care of the church gardens. You did a great job last summer.

  MATT Well, thank you. Today’s service was great.

  MONA Well, it was okay, but to be honest, I was not listening through it all.

  MATT Is everything okay, Mona? You look, like, so tired.

  MONA I am.

  [Sighs.]

  It’s my son. Two nights ago, Perry had a severe asthma attack and had to be hospitalized immediately. I...I am an emotional mess and I came to church today to try to recollect myself. I have been worried to death just not knowing where to turn. I found myself giving a lot of thought to your offer....