The Best American Short Plays 2010-2011 Page 14

  [ALMA approaches CLAUDIA.]

  ALMA Sometimes a person with 90 percent blockage is better off than someone with 50 percent. Your body learns to expect it and finds new routes. Like if you’re living in Los Angeles, and every day the 405’s a parking lot. And you know it’s a mess, so you plan new routes. You know all the side streets, and you’re always on time. But if you’re new to the area and, say, there’s an accident. You’re fucked.

  [The image on the screen stops on a little girl. CLAUDIA looks at ALMA.]

  If you work at it enough, if you plan, you might forget the 405 exists at all.

  [As if on cue, CLAUDIA pops a couple pills. ALMA wilts.]

  Mommy...why do you work so hard to forget me?

  [CLAUDIA just stares at ALMA. LEE fights his constraints. CLAUDIA’s attention is torn between LEE and ALMA. The screen is racing with dolls, drawings, Hummers, boots, vests.]

  CLAUDIA It’s not you I’m trying to forget.

  [ALMA becomes the assistant.]

  ALMA Dr. Torres?!

  CLAUDIA I saw what I needed to see.

  [A few days later. LEE dresses himself in a hospital room. He has an open textbook near him. CLAUDIA walks in on him. ALMA follows as her assistant.]

  Physical therapy?

  LEE I’m going to work with disabled vets.

  CLAUDIA Medicine-lite. Good for you.

  LEE Excuse me?

  CLAUDIA The tests confirmed what I had thought. We can schedule the surgery in a few weeks. Give your kidneys a chance to rest. In fact, I think you are an ideal candidate for the da Vinci.

  LEE I’m lost.

  CLAUDIA A machine. We can reduce your recovery time, so you can get to your studies.

  LEE I don’t think it would kill you to start with, “Hey, Lee. How you feeling?” or “I know running a tube up through your groin isn’t comfortable. Can I get you anything?”

  CLAUDIA You think I should kiss it and make it better?

  LEE Like prostitution-lite?

  ALMA Damn...his was funnier than yours.

  LEE I heard about your bedside manner.

  CLAUDIA You didn’t come to me for bedside manner. I cut. That’s what I do. You want stickers and a pat on the head, pediatrics is on the fourth floor. I have a job to do.

  LEE That doesn’t mean you have to be an asshole.

  CLAUDIA Yes. It does. You of all people should understand, soldier.

  LEE You can kiss my ass, Claudia.

  CLAUDIA It’s Dr. Torres. I didn’t go through medical school—

  LEE You wouldn’t have gone to school at all if it wasn’t for people like me. I’m Lee. You’re Claudia. Get over yourself.

  [Before CLAUDIA can respond, ALMA rhythmically snaps her fingers.]

  CLAUDIA You’re right, Lee. I shouldn’t...you know. It’s not professional. I’m trying to understand some things.

  LEE Understand what?

  ALMA What’s it like to fire a gun? Do you know you’re a puppet of the government? Do you support the war on terror? Did you kill anybody?

  CLAUDIA Why would you go back?

  LEE You can’t understand that.

  CLAUDIA You think I’m stupid?

  LEE No. I think you’ve got a nice car to park in a nice house where you eat nice food. You’ve never needed anybody else unless they are washing your nice car or cleaning your nice house....I think you don’t notice that half the nurses on this damn floor wear bright-ass colors that make them targets. And they insist on opening the shades no matter how many times I close them. You don’t see that the parking garage would be an excellent fucking place for a sniper. You don’t notice these things because you’ve never had to notice these things. Wars are started by people like you, but they are fought by people like me.

  CLAUDIA So that’s it? Money?

  LEE No. Like I said, you wouldn’t understand. Your robot surgery. You want to do it because it’s best for me, or best for you?

  CLAUDIA Both.

  LEE At least you’re honest.

  CLAUDIA As your doctor, I’m saying it’s what’s best for you. As head of this department, I’m saying it’s what’s best for the hospital.

  [LEE splits. ALMA shakes her head in disbelief.]

  ALMA You don’t listen.

  CLAUDIA Will you stop?

  [ALMA pretends to read a letter. CLAUDIA faces her and doesn’t see LEE come back for his jacket.]

  ALMA We regret to inform you—

  CLAUDIA ENOUGH! I can’t do this right now.

  [She pops a couple pills.]

  ALMA Then when can you do this? You don’t see—

  CLAUDIA I see you everywhere, Alma.

  ALMA You went years without seeing me.

  [ALMA points to LEE. He and CLAUDIA just look at each other for a moment before he grabs his jacket and leaves. On the screen, a picture of Leonardo da Vinci. CLAUDIA checks her watch.]

  You’ve got work.

  [CLAUDIA gathers herself and moves downstage for her presentation.]

  Unbelievable.

  [ALMA preps CLAUDIA. She takes off CLAUDIA’s coat, places goggles on her face, and places handles in her hands. ALMA then moves behind CLAUDIA. ALMA becomes an extra pair of robotic hands. She hums.]

  CLAUDIA The da Vinci robot can allow us to perform complicated procedures.

  [As she “operates,” ALMA begins to march in place. ALMA goes into cadence at different times in CLAUDIA’s speech. She should repeat each line (like call and response) as needed.]

  CLAUDIA As you can see, this procedure is dramatically less invasive than CABG, and as a result requires far less recovery time. The da Vinci surgical system allows a surgeon to get a closer view of the heart and mimics the surgeon’s movements. In addition, it compensates for minor, involuntary motions, which would otherwise make the procedure impractical. In addition to controlling the arms, the surgeon can also control the scope of his or her view. “Zoom.”

  The most difficult part of the procedure is the attachment of the blood vessel to the aorta. While the standard procedure allows the surgeon to use her hands to sew the tissue together, the da Vinci model uses a different method.

  [She demonstrates.]

  It punctures a small hole, here, and anchors the vessel similar to how a small rivet would work.

  You’ll notice the heart is still beating. This procedure, in most cases, is performed off pump, which is ultimately safer for the patient. What’s more, the surgeon doesn’t even need to be in the same room as the surgery. He can perform the procedure from his office with other attendees in the OR.

  This is the future, ladies and gentlemen.

  ALMA I wanna be an airborne ranger. Saving lives of perfect strangers.

  Keep me out of the drop zone.

  [ALMA demonstrates.]

  [ALMA moves beside CLAUDIA.]

  [Louder, faster]

  My girl’s a pretty girl.

  She’s a LA city girl.

  I’d buy her anything.

  To keep her in style.

  [ALMA steps back behind CLAUDIA, then to her other side.]

  [Frantic.]

  She’s got black wavy hair.

  Just like a grizzly bear.

  I’d give most anything.

  To watch her smile.

  [ALMA moves back behind CLAUDIA.]

  This is the future, ladies and gentlemen.

  CLAUDIA In ten years, standard coronary bypass will be obsolete.

  [CLAUDIA sets her instruments down. ALMA moves to the crowd and poses as different doctors with questions. She moves about the crowd with each question.]

  ALMA Dr. Torres, the cost for such a machine, as you’ve listed in your notes, is dramatic. In your opinion, is it worth it?

  CLAUDIA While the da Vinci machine is not cheap, we can expect to recover costs in twelve to fifteen months. At which point, it actually becomes a very cost-effective procedure.

  ALMA Doctor, you mention a reduced recovery time for patients based on smaller incisions
. Are there any other benefits to the patients with this procedure?

  CLAUDIA The recovery time with this procedure is cut by 25 percent. What’s more, since it is performed on a beating heart, the patient does not need to rely on a heart and lung bypass machine. As you know, the use of these machines has been called into question as some studies have shown a correlation between them and long-term depression.

  ALMA Dr. Torres, while the da Vinci machine seems to enhance precision and recovery time, it also creates an even greater distance between doctor and patient. You mentioned being able to perform the procedure from your office. Do you really think it is wise for a doctor to be that far from his patient when something could so easily go awry? It seems to make the patient a video game instead of a person.

  CLAUDIA We are in a result-oriented profession, doctor. If the patient lives, we have succeeded. If not, we’ve failed. So far, nineteen surgeries have been performed with the da Vinci machine. Zero have died. In fact, all of them have recovered at an extraordinary rate. We are not motivational speakers or therapists. We are not kindergarten teachers or priests. We are not paid to be people’s friends. We are paid to do what most other people can’t do: save lives. And this robot does that incredibly efficiently. I’ve selected the twentieth Da Vinci patient. You are welcome to observe. Once you do, I think you will agree that this machine should be a fixture at USC medical.

  [ALMA marches in place.]

  ALMA You never even told them.

  CLAUDIA This meeting is finished.

  [CLAUDIA’s pager goes off. ALMA, now a teen, bursts into her office. ALMA is a mess.]

  What’s wrong?

  ALMA I used to sing him to sleep, you know that?

  CLAUDIA Who? Wha—

  ALMA He had trouble sleeping and I’d sing him songs till he fell asleep, you know? Even if it was over the phone.

  CLAUDIA It damn well better be over the phone—

  ALMA He’s going to Florida. And he says he will meet so many new “people.” And that it “isn’t fair to me.”

  [She starts to hyperventilate.]

  He just wants to set himself up to get as much ass as he can get. It’s not about what’s fair—he said he loved me!

  [CLAUDIA slaps her on the cheek.]

  CLAUDIA ALMA!

  ALMA What? Are you seriously—

  CLAUDIA Take a breath and hold it.

  [She does. CLAUDIA snaps her fingers with each count.]

  One. Two. Three. Exhale. Again....One. Two. Three. Exhale—give it three seconds, then you let it go. Let whatshisname go to Florida. You stay here and focus.

  ALMA You don’t even know his name? He broke my heart.

  [CLAUDIA wipes ALMA’s face and cleans her up.]

  CLAUDIA Here’s what I understand. People break your heart because you let them. Because you think you need them around to be complete. So then you start to give up pieces of yourself to keep them around. It’s bullshit. Sometimes you need to know that all you’ve got is you. And if you know that, you don’t let anybody break you. Don’t let people see you cry. Don’t be that woman. A weepy woman will never make it in a man’s world.

  [ALMA just looks at CLAUDIA like a kid who knows she’s been ripped off.]

  Be brave, Alma. Be brave.

  [ALMA leaves. CLAUDIA’s pager goes off again. ALMA appears with a graduation cap. She looks around the crowd for CLAUDIA. CLAUDIA watches from her desk.]

  I’m so proud of you, baby.

  ALMA You’re working....

  CLAUDIA I do this for you. Do you know the opportunity...

  ALMA Heidi Fleiss’s dad is a doctor. Did you know that?

  CLAUDIA You’re a smart ass.

  ALMA I’ve made a decision. I’m a woman who is going to make it in a man’s world.

  [CLAUDIA is beaming.]

  I joined the army.

  [ALMA reveals her fatigues. (Note: ALMA should be in her fatigues for the rest of the play). CLAUDIA stands stupefied. ALMA splits. LEE walks into CLAUDIA’s office.]

  LEE Excuse me?

  CLAUDIA What are you doing here?

  LEE My therapist says a lot of soldiers lash out at people. Not because they deserve it, but because we have trouble...verbalizing. So the other day, even though you were being an asshole, I shouldn’t’ve said it.

  CLAUDIA ...I don’t know if that is what your therapist meant. Is that an apology?

  LEE I used to be afraid to go home too.

  CLAUDIA I’m not af—

  LEE Fine. Let’s not get in another pissing contest. I know what it’s like. We’ll leave it at that.

  [He looks around the room as if he sees something/someone we don’t.]

  CLAUDIA You really notice all those details daily?

  LEE You have no idea.

  CLAUDIA What’s it like?

  LEE You know when you were little and you wound a jack-in-the-box and you cringed when you thought he was about to pop out? It’s like that. Always.

  [ALMA appears with blood on her hands. CLAUDIA just watches her.]

  Hello? Torres? Are you listening to me? Look, I’ll give you some time.

  [He gets up to leave.]

  CLAUDIA When I was a resident, I had a man wake up on the operating table. He woke up. His chest is open, he’s got catheters running in from different directions....He’s trying to scream, but there’s a tube down his throat.

  [ALMA screams silently.]

  And I’m frozen. Terrified. Pissing myself. Literally. Because I’m feeling so bad for this sonofabitch. I should have been doing something, but I was too busy feeling bad.

  LEE What happened?

  CLAUDIA They medicated him somewhere into next week so he wouldn’t remember. But I couldn’t forget.

  LEE You shouldn’t be telling this to someone you are going to cut open.

  CLAUDIA Emotion gets in the way of the job I do. Feelings are mistakes. Mistakes can be fatal.

  [LEE nods in understanding.]

  LEE Who were you talking to?

  CLAUDIA I wasn’t talking to anybody.

  LEE She looks like you.

  CLAUDIA You can see her?

  LEE She’s why you want to know why I’d go back?

  CLAUDIA Maybe.

  [ALMA looks over at LEE. He sees her.]

  ALMA Tell her.

  LEE No.

  ALMA Please.

  LEE No.

  [ALMA leans in to tell LEE a secret.]

  ALMA Help.

  [She salutes him. He waits for a while before reluctantly returning her salute. ALMA grabs a helmet and an imaginary gun.]

  LEE Whenever we’d caravan through villages in Afghanistan, we’d get crowds. Little kids especially. Why the hell parents would let their kids near...I don’t know. But we were a show. And everything is a mess, understand? You’ve never seen a mess like this. And everything is a threat. A speeding car...threat. Open window...threat. An abandoned car on the side of the road: big fucking threat. But one day we get word from our CO That—

  ALMA The haji have started putting IEDs in dolls.

  CLAUDIA Dolls?

  LEE Dolls!

  [The screen transitions to show a child’s drawing: a stick-figure family.]

  CLAUDIA Oh God.

  LEE What kind of fucked-up shit is that? And he’s cold when he says—

  ALMA Eliminate. Threats.

  LEE And I’m not like him. I lay awake at night and my stomach hurts. My back hurts. Because I’m afraid I might have to obey an order I have no business obeying.

  ALMA There’s no such thing as a warning shot around here. Either there is a reason to shoot, or there isn’t. Warning shots only serve to warn haji of your position.

  LEE But my brothers, they got children too. I was there when one of them got baptized. And they’ve got dolls....And no way can I let them see their daddy in a box.

  CLAUDIA Did you—

  LEE So we roll up, and sure enough here come the kids. And we start waving our arms for them to get the h
ell away—

  [LEE and ALMA wave their arms in unison. The picture on the screen transitions to a little girl.]

  —but the haji, when you wave your arms, they think it’s an invitation to come closer. And right about then I see it. A girl. Her doll. And a mangy-ass dog that won’t shut up.

  [Clifford the Big Red Dog lights up the screen. ALMA growls.]

  You know how they get? When they got their tail tucked between their legs trying to look brave?

  [The drumming intensifies as the pictures on the screen move from a doll to a drawing to toy soldiers to a dog.]

  He won’t shut up. He won’t—SHUT UP!

  [ALMA stops. She raises her rifle.]

  I can’t tell you if it was an accident. I can’t tell if it matters....I squeeze.

  [The drum bangs as ALMA fires. The screen goes blank.]

  I shot his bottom jaw clean off.

  [ALMA holds her jaw.]

  CLAUDIA You did what?

  LEE He makes these noises.

  [ALMA lets out a high-pitched, low-volume squeal.]

  The girl drops the doll. And it’s just a fucking doll. And all I can see is this girl trying to put pieces of his mouth back on. And I freeze.

  [ALMA freezes.]

  My CO pulls a pistol and puts the dog out of his misery.

  [ALMA pulls an imaginary pistol and fires quietly.]

  I told you, he’s a bigger man than me. And the girl’s come undone. He takes off his watch and gives it to her.

  CLAUDIA Why?

  LEE Because what the hell else are you gonna do? And that’s that. We move on.

  [ALMA turns and marches away.]

  CLAUDIA That’s why you want to go back?

  LEE I’m the son of an alcoholic.

  CLAUDIA What does that have to do with anything?

  LEE I always made friends with other sons of alcoholics. Because I’d have to pick him up from bars when I was thirteen. And they knew what that was like. Back there...they understand what it’s like. Problem is, they’re there, and I’m here....

  CLAUDIA Defective.

  LEE Yep. Out here, people aren’t accountable. They don’t understand the—

  CLAUDIA Cost of living. To do your job—

  LEE To heal—

  CLAUDIA Or to hurt.

  LEE Means you have to be a little—

  CLAUDIA Less human. People don’t get it.

  LEE We’re not that different, me and you.

  CLAUDIA I save lives!

  LEE What the hell do you think I was doing?!